We had a very long talk last night. He told me he feels like he's in survival mode. Like he has to just shut down for survival. And that he has no idea what to do with all the emotions that keep coming up.
He's not sure how to deal with any emotion at all, and he's confused. He's never has been without alcohol since he was 16. He's 53 now. He's got a long, long road ahead of him.
Yes, I'm trying to find something to keep my mind busy. I have found that helps a lot! I really LOVE big dogs, and I love training dogs. I have a 4 year old Mastiff right now, she has helped me through the past six months. A dear friend has offered to give me one of her Mastiff puppies. She could sell her for $1,800, but she wants me to have her.
It would keep me and my 12 yo busy training and raising her, its something I love. I'm willing to give up my smart phone and use an old phone instead, then we have money for dog food. So we don't lose any money. We don't gain anything, but we don't lose either.
He says we don't have the money. I said we came up with $200-$300 every month for your beer for years. One more strike to add to my resentment. I am also looking into making extra money helping elderly people shop or go to doctors appts. I'm just looking for anything at all to help me find some happiness. He can't help me, he can't make me happy, so I'm on a quest to help myself.