Pressure from X's Family
What do I call them? My almost in-laws?
I have really tried to cut my contact down with my X's family. They love him but are in deep denial of what his problem is. Today his sister invited me over to her place for dinner. I tried not to bring him up since I told her the relationship was over for me. In the past, she has always run interference for him when I was at my wits end.
Of course dinner was all of his favorite things (her way of putting him on my mind). She tried to take my hand and lead me back down memory lane. During the course of dinner, she tried to explain to me what her brother's problem was. 'He feels that you really didn't want the relationship because you were unwilling to move in with him'. Hello!! Don't you move in with someone when the relationship is good, not to fix a relationship that is bad?
I explained to her that the only reason he wanted me to move in with him is so that he could exercise his sense of control and he would feel that he had me trapped. Why would I give up my home for someone who values me so little?
Of course she went on to tell me how much he loved me and how hard he was trying. Bull!!! If he were trying he would get help. If he loved me I wouldn't feel so unclean. He wouldn't do things to make me feel that way. This was all orchestrated and his call of course came in the middle of dinner. I didn't want to talk to him but how do you refuse when the family is pressuring you?
I told her that her brother was a grown man and needed to stand or fall on his own. I wouldn't be there to clean up his mess. The family needs to stop rescuing him from his own bull. They are enabling him and that as long as they do he won't be fit for anyone. I won't be part of it.
Ho do I make them understand that I can't save him? I don't know if they want me to save him or just take a problem off their hands. I don't know how to make it any clearer that I won't take that responsibility?
Now I'm depressed because there were some good times. Not that I think that there's a chance in hell that they will come back unless he changes. I just didn't need to be reminded. This is hard enough.