MissCarter....We have an excellent, extensive library of excellent articles about alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones....there are a lot...enough for you to reed one every single day...which is what I su ggest that you do...
There is sooo much to learn. Knowledge is power.
After reading your post...I doubt that you, as a non alcoholic...and limited experience with alcoholism...can really appreciate the enormity of the challenges ahead of your significant other. He probably doesn't, either....the fact that he is not working any kind of alcoholism program says that he is probably minimizing his issues. Dealing with h is issues in a lasting way will take a long time...like 2-3-4-5yrs. That is, if he is really digging deep to change his whole life around.
One of the first lessons for you to learn (which is shocking to most newcomers)..is that he doesn't NEED your help to get and stay sober. He may want it...and, you may think it is your "duty" to give it... an d, even want to give it...but, he doesn't need it.
The changes he has to make are internal ones...and, you can't do that for him. That is the walk he has to do for himself.
The best way to be supportive is to get out of his way and don't enable him.
About your decisions....you don't need your brother to make your personal decisions for you...sure, he is going to open his mouth and give opinions (everybody has an opinion)...but, he doesn't have your s o as a partner, and , he doesn't live in your skin....YOU should be your own decision maker.
Most of the time...blood is th icker than water, and when push comes to shove...your so's family is going to "take his side". Don't ever fool yourself on that...lol...
What about you? this is what I suggest...from what has helped me and what I have observed from others who have to navigate h aving an alcoholic so....
(1) Read everything you can get your hands on and learn everything that you can about alcoholism and co-dependency.
(2) Get face to face support from others (preferably not family...they probably will never understand)...alanon or other support group and a personal counselor for yourself is pretty much standard. (both).
(3) Keep posting here...a nd reading and learning.....