You are not alone.
I too, know what this is like.
A man I loved and lived with died from a drug overdose.
It was very devastating especially for someone like me
who was an active addict alcoholic at the time.
The day after he died I was smoking crack with our friend
and almost overdosed myself, and he was screaming my name
saying and repeating over and over "Don't do this to me!"
But somehow I came back and it was God's grace.
In my case this event started me on the road to recovery.
I became a born again Christian which I loved and still do
but I kept going back out again and this went on for four years.
Until I finally surrendered to recovery and the program and the fellowship
of Alcoholics Anonymous. It took a year in AA to stop drinking and drugging.
In my area we use poker chips to signify that if we pick up a drink or a drug
we are gambling with our lives. I picked up many white chips that first year.
And from then on, I was able to live a clean and sober life and all the promises came true.
Maybe one day you will find a way to make this deeply painful loss
a stepping stone to spiritual growth.
God bless