In reference to those who think I FORCED him to detox at home.....
When I found out that he had a problem, I was unaware that it was 3 years in the making. I told him that I would like to build a relationship with him, but only if he quit drinking. On his own he decided to quit cold turkey....or white knuckle as I've heard it called here on the site.
I DID NOT KNOW HIS ADDICTION WAS SO ADVANCED! He is capable of drinking up to five 750 ml bottles of Jim Beam before noon....every day.....for 3 years.
I let him take control of his own detox process. I thought he knew what he was doing because he said that he did. I was wrong and stupid to believe him...but after a while, I did take charge and took him to the ER.
During the first trip to the ER/ICU, I was informed that he also suffers anxiety and depression. He has a legit prescription for benzodiazepines, but doesn't take them like he is supposed to for whatever reason. When he decided to put down the bottle, he became anxious and decided that taking his medicine might help. Again, I didn't know enough about him or his illness to know what he should do and I thought he knew what was best. I DIDN'T MAKE HIM SUFFER! I wanted him to go to the hospital or find a detox center. He refused!
Our second trip to the ER a week or so later was because he was still taking his benzodiazepines along with the detox medication they gave him at the hospital. In a freak incident, he had a Absent Seizure and he passed out while I was at work. I found him in enough time to get him the help he needed. Medical doctors told me that there was no way I could have predicted something like this, it was nothing that he or I did, that these things happen when the body detoxes. He'd done so much damage to his liver and kidneys with drinking over the years, that his body was reacting to the process of detoxing.
After he got out of the hospital he showed up to my home drunk. I was angry and when I called my mother, he overheard us talking about how I should kick him out. He left before I could get off the phone and got a DUI. I didn't send him away and would have never advised him to drive in that condition. I likely would have let him sleep it off and allowed myself to cycle through his apologies and believe that the next day would be better....but it wasn't. I bailed him out and told him to leave. He was sober enough to drive at that point and I couldn't handle him being there.
He left, got drunk, came back to my home. I got home from work and found him not moving in his truck with the keys in the ignition.
I didn't want to send him to a mental hospital. But when he was drunk in his truck and passed out, I didn't leave him there. I called for help. The police gave me three choices-
1. He sleeps it off at my house once they get him out.
2. Jail for another DUI because he was behind the wheel of a running vehicle drunk.
3. Marchman Act and get him treatment.
Well, #1 wasn't the best choice because I knew it was just going to continue the cycle....that I in the beginning stages of trying to break. I didn't have the heart to send him back to jail if the police were giving me a choice and I honestly thought that Marchman Acting him would help. He'd get medical care and detox in a facility where he was safe.
I feel like people on this forum are judging me for my inexperience. They are judging the relationship because it was a lot of drama for a short amount of time. And rightfully so! I'm sure I'd do the same if I read such a dramatic episode of events without living them.
I know everyone here has had their own nightmare stories and I understand that I'm no better and no worse than anyone else who has suffered through similar situations. Mine just happen to be compacted to one month. No one in his family blames me. He doesn't even blame me. So why are people on this forum blaming me?
HIS choice to drink put US in those situations and I made decisions based on the resources I had available at the time. So the next time someone reads my story and things that I have "done enough TO this man" or tries to say that his one month sobriety at home with mom is enough to prove that I'm the cause of his drinking.....keep in mind that I didn't pour the bourbon down his throat and tell him to swallow yesterday....he did that on his own.