Originally Posted by
sweetichick 
Maybe I haven't surrendered yet.
That's certainly possible. Probable really if you are having those thoughts.
Your sponsor is right though - this will require a lot of hard work on your part. And you will need to sort out the other issues in your life too, but you really can't until you stop drinking and stay stopped.
I would say that you are in what would be called a "dire" situation right now, and that probably requires extraordinary action on your part. Inpatient rehab should be on your list of things to seriously consider.