I came to this site to try to understand love from the alcoholics perspective.
I would love to share. It is so hard to love an alcoholic. You want to have a life and go places and be adored as a woman. But he is half gone all the time, his brain cannot plan the rest of the time. There are so many pies in the sky that never happen. So many dreams dashed. And then the inhibition of drinking causes things to happen that hurt regularly. Mean things are said, insensitive groping, boundaries crossed, the alcoholic doesn't realize you are suffering and alone by something they did and they really don't care.
I would suggest writing her a heart felt love letter, expressing the qualities she has that makes you love her uniquely. Apologize for what you are truly sorry for. If you can afford it, treat her to a spa day, no strings attached. Don't let her suffering be in vain. Be there for her come hell or high water. If you see an opening, give flowers, jewelry, plan a romantic trip. I am giving you the guide book here. She deserves it. I am telling you... she earned it.
Originally Posted by
180Man 
Hi,
I am an alcoholic, with 4 months of recovery in AA under my belt with a conviction to stay true to my new path, one day at a time.
After a 20 year marriage, my wife finally made the right decision to leave. It was the best decision for both of us, and what humbled me, and prompted the surrender I needed to seek help.
The last 4 months have been amazing, and my separated wife marvels at the change in me. I brought up the possibility of reconciliation, and her response was this:
"You are now the whole package, you check all of the boxes. If I met you on a dating site I would fall head over heels. But you have starved me of the emotional intimacy I craved for years, and I began feeling like your prostitute, rather than your wife. The thought of ever being physically intimate with you again makes me feel sick, I don't know if and when I might be able to feel differently. If and when that happens, I might consider reconciliation, but I don't know if that is months, years, or never."
Do any spouses on this forum have a similar experience with this feeling, and how did they deal with it? I do not want to pressure my wife in any way, but I would like to understand this as much as I can.
For myself, I am doing my best to focus on my own recovery, detach from the marriage as much as I can, and hope and allow her to find her own path to happiness, even if that is without me.
Thanks everyone,
M180