hi SIB, I am early in my recovery. The I first discovered SR I was shocked to discover the way in which folks advised folks to care of themselves and treat the alcoholic. Even husband and wife with many, many years marriage. I thought it was so cold. Surely, we should support our alcoholic partner to beat the addiction, whatever it takes, right?
Well, actually no. Alcohol is progressive and it destroys all before it. My behaviour at the end sounds a lot like your wife's and trust me it had me well in its grip and my life was starting to unravel. I have tried to quit many, many times. Its the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. No way it can be done with half measures or for some superficial reason. You have to want to quit with all your life, with every breath of your existence. Anything less, any drinking at all.....and the addiction progresses towards death and total obliteration. Sorry, but thats how it is. Thats why the folks are warning you. Some do recover, as you can evidence on SR, but many more die and they destroy those around them as they spiral towards death.
Pretty morbid stuff I know, but thats what you are dealing with here I am afraid. So my advice is to encourage her to quit completely and encourage her to seek help in doing so. Then put yourself first and hope she can manage it. In the event that she cannot don't let it destroy your life also. In the event that she can quit forever I wish you both a long happy life together. Good luck man, its a tough situation and I feel for you.