Wamama, you have been through much heartache not entirely of your own making, and the source of much of it has in your mind been your AH.
I have been where you are, full of anger, resentment, bitterness the 'life is so unfair' esp when he stopped drinking 1.5 years ago, started to go to the gym, swimming etc. I thought, how come I still get to do the same stuff over and over and he gets to live this 'new life' while I am still in the same place, hurt and feeling miserable. Only in the last 6 months have I had an epiphany and due to reading and listening to alanon stuff ( I do not have a group as none where I live) that the problem was not him, the problem was me. Yes he did all the terrible things to me when he was drinking, has fallen off the wagon, lied, etc but I put myself in a place of absolute misery, believing I must be responsible for everything including him and the consequences of his behavior. I was co-dependent big time. I am now slowly learning to detach, I can spend time with him and just be. I have learned to put the focus on me, what is wrong with the way I react for example. Once if he fell off the wagon, I would nose dive into depression, stress, tears, now because I have detached it would probably upset me but i know i cannot control him, cannot change him, cannot cure him in any shape or form, I hand him over to God to do His will. I will not cover for him, will not clean up for him. I also reserve the right to walk away, that is my prerogative, my escape clause, I do not have to stay, that is also yours.
I know you have the additional stress of a special needs child so I implore you to take all the help you can get for yourself from Al-anon, do the steps, come here on SR and also seek help for assistance with your child. If your RAH is there well and good but do not depend on him. Live your life free of the mental cage we put ourselves in when having an alcoholic in our lives