You guys are AWESOME. Thank you for setting me straight. Tomsteve, I did read that part in the big book. That's what it says, but that's not what I heard from the (limited I guess) people I talked to. Or what I've read. But, Ill take your word for it b/c you've been there.
Everyone tells me not to depend on him for a break. I don't have a choice right now. We can barely pay rent, there's no way we can make it. I called the DV hotline, I've called 211 for resources. My job wouldnt even cover the horrendous high rent here. The hardest part is our teen kid. He has Autism and Bipolar and when he gets really upset and loses control, he bites his hands until they bleed and slams his head into walls. It takes both of us to control him so he doesn't seriously hurt himself. When we see he is having a really bad day my RAH is able to stay home just in case. It doesn't happen often, but when it does one of us alone can't handle him. The last time RAH was home alone with him and kid lost control, my husband ended up with bruises everywhere and several bruised ribs. We work very closely with a specialist for him, but it takes time for him to learn the skills needed to be safe. I don't know how to make this work. For now, Ill sit with what everyone has said here and like Dandylion has said, don't borrow trouble. He's really trying, it might work out.