Tough spot,man. I'd post this in the friends and family section too. I'm from both sides of this 'thing' and it's a bitch on everyone involved. I'll never be a casual drinker again and I'll never be in a relationship where there's a history of addictive behavior. It's messy and there's nothing you can do to help them/us/me. That's a hard thing to accept when getting sober. "I've got to do this by/for myself?" If you offer 'suggestions', that falls on drunk ears as you 'nagging/controlling'. If you don't offer 'suggestions' you "don't care". It's a lose/lose. I'd look into alanon and start taking care of yourself. It's your life and you only have 1.