Hes starting AA-I dont want him to
The councelor for the outpatient treatment program he checked into told my RAH that AA was a very good option. RAH told me last night the councelor also shared with him the Pink Cloud, and that if he didnt get help, he would either fall off or be pushed off. So RAH told me last night he wants to get help.
I should be jumping up and down, over the moon happy. Im happy he wants to get help! Anywhere but AA. I will NOT tell him that, I will not discourage him from going and I will take him to a meeting when he wants to go. This is his thing, his recovery. I can accept that. I cant choose for him what will help just like he couldnt choose the counceling and Alanon I have chosen to help me.
Why don't I want him to go to AA? I've read on this forum, and others, and research on the internet, and a few people we know who went through AA, they pretty much have to ignore everything else in life to concentrate on staying sober. And yea I know, don't believe everything you read on the internet. That's why I also talked to real live people.
Why do they get to continue being selfish, and why is it encouraged? They've already had their selfish period long enough, we've been ignored long enough. They can just suck it up and deal with real life while they recover like the rest of us have to do. We are weak too, from years of their selfishness. They got to play and be drunk and blissfully unaware. We are working just as hard as they are. If anyone needs to ignore life for their recovery its the spouses
I feel like a jerk because for the last month hes done nothing but be kind and respectful, listens to my rages, and in general is trying to make it up (except for the part where I begged him to leave and he wouldn't. I still need that but he can't be inconvenienced) I respect him for what hes doing, and I told him it goes a long way in the healing process. Sounds like forward movement right?
I know this man. He tells me I know him better than he does himself. He is on disability, so he has all the time in the world to devote to AA. Sounds like a good thing. But he has a very addictive personality. He will, mark my words, get totally immersed in this in an unhealthy way. He has to stay sober, if he isn't sober, thats a deal breaker for me, we are done. But so is being ignored any longer and keeping a home and kids going by myself. After 18 years, Im tired, mentally and emotionally.
I guess it comes down to facing my biggest fear. If he ignores us any longer, I will call it quits. And I still love him, I don't want to be done. But there's only so much a person can take, and this is the last straw.
Hopefully he will learn to not be addictive in other things, but being encouraged to concentrate solely on his own recovery, is contradictory. If any of you in AA want to set me straight, please do. Just be nice because I'm already crying buckets of tears over this. Anvilhead I'm sure you will weigh in LOL