Only saying this because you asked. It seems to me you blame all of her issues on everyone else. The gay guys turn her against you. The AA members are changing her. I think SHE is responsible for her own actions, and that you need to stop blaming everyone else. I say this kindly because I know it's hurtful.
I also think AA is a slippery slope. Many are there for the wrong reasons (court ordered, they still drink, etc). Celebrate Recovery has the rule in place that men go w/men, women w/women, and it's a good rule. For those that are there for the right reasons, it's a God send. For the others, not so much.
That being said, everyone is responsible for their own behaviors and their own actions. Blaming everyone else is deflection.
Originally Posted by
donewithhurting 
A last kick in the head - she has cheated in the past, once PA long time ago (we worked through it) and two times Emotionally with gay workmates. I know how can she have an affair with a gay guy - trust me on this, when they have her heart, get jealous and turn her against me, thats an affair.
We now have a "no opposite friends" agreement in place to prevent that from happening again. Yesterday at a meeting a new comer - gay guy - was there and she "bonded" with him and they went out for coffee together. I received an accidental text from him meant for her. Thats how i found out. I confronted her on it and she now says he is just an aa member in need so she has every right to have coffee with him after the meetings. This does not fly in my book. I consider it a date and a violation of our agreement. Am I being too strict with my boundary here? My instinct is no I am not and she is setting herself up for another EA with a gay friend and future coffees alone with other men.
Opinions please cause this the THE deal breaker for me.
What are you thoughts as I am not too familiar with AA's fellowship program.