I never realised it at the time, but I was a big-time manipulator. I'll tell you something that really makes me blush. When I was drinking I'd sometimes lay in bed thinking about something I'd like to go 'my way'. Usually something shouldn't have been up to. I'd play it and replay it, adjusting little things each time til I got to a plausible scenario where my way would play out.... And then when it actually happened for real I'd think "how bizarre". Of course, it happened because I'd worked it all out in advance and was manipulating things. Happened a LOT.
I also realised when I got sober that a LOT of the time I'd tell little fibs that were completely unnecessary, just to make sure that people didn't think badly of me. Like the time I went up to town to return a pair of shoes I'd bought then changed my mind about. I had the receipt and was perfectly within my rights to return them with no explanation at all, but I caught myself thinking I could say this, that or the other to make it sound better. I was so worried that the shop assistant would think badly of me for returning those stupid shoes. I know that's a bit of a silly example, but it did show me quite how much I hid behind little fibs. All that stuff if so exhausting!
BB