Originally Posted by
atalose 
He’s in the struggle for his life right now, not knowing the what or how of anything minute by minute, hour by hour. And you are in a struggle for “relationship” needing and wanting re-assurances from someone who’s thoughts change every 3 minutes.
Now is the time to allow him time to work on him.
Now is the time you need to work on you. You need to figure out why you stayed with someone who abused you? And why you desperately need what he can’t possible give you at this time.
No contact would be in both your interests.
^^This.
Honestly, everything you've posted from his side sounds really (unfortunately) normal in regards to early recovery. It sounds like you are the one pushing for guarantees he can't give & he's trying to not make promises he's not sure he can keep.
Would you rather he lied to you & just told you what you wanted to hear? Would that be healthy or helpful for either of you going forward in this relationship?
I'm co dependant sure. But not toxic.
I'm not saying the shoe fits but don't be so quick to dismiss this idea - we Codies can be HIGLY toxic. I have a far more difficult time dealing with unrecovering codies than I do addicts, personally.
Mark: **** the labels. Let's just concentrate on how we rebuild. Trust me this place doesn't want me talking to you. But I still do because I do love and care for you. That's all I know for now.
They said to me "you forgot to be friends first" I said "uhhh? I'm not gonna be friends with someone I was in a relationship with for three years plus we were friends before we dated for a year. That's too painful." They were pushing me to be friends with him.
None of this sounds so awful to me - every couple DOES need to be friends on some level & very, very often lose that component in the throes of active addiction... it's almost impossible not to. Taking a breather & deciding who/what you are to each other going forward makes sense because obviously things have changed significantly or he wouldn't be living in a halfway house to begin with, would he? If you want him to just drop the addiction part of himself & carry on like everything else is unaffected, you're gong to be very disappointed because this will have touched every part of his life - especially if he's unmediated for other issues.
I know this isn't emotionally easy - at ALL - but it honestly sounds like he's trying to do his best with the tools at his disposal.
What was it like for you during the couple of weeks of no contact?