I'm glad to hear you've booked the therapy.
I also felt like I wanted to be "normal" but it is true that "normal" drinkers
don't drink as fast and as much as they can.
I did the exact same thing--I drank fast and hard to get a buzz, and in the end, it took a lot of booze to get there.
Sober life is excellent, though I had to go through resentments, discomfort, and a lot of work to find peace.
It won't always feel like depravation and sadness/ anger.
By the way--what I found under my anger was pain.
Pain for lots of things from the past, and all the things I gave away about myself to keep drinking and hiding.
Wishing you healing and peace.
It really is out there if you are willing to embrace it--