Thanks Mindfulman. I totally understand.
Last night was hell and I am back to just slogging through the day half conscious.
I tried to get to the hospital without calling an ambulance and at some point I just passed out.
I am really well aware of the extreme withdrawals from all the times I've been through them and the stupid medications I am on.
And yes, no I am not quitting anything cold turkey without medical attention because I have been through this too many times. I have never come off of long term benzos- and I haven't been abusing them. My old doctor assured me before I started them that we would work through a taper system when I was ready to come off of them. And then she was gone, and now I have to fight to get my proper meds that I've been on forever. I don't understand why a doctor would do that to a patient. I do and I don't. First I was indignant last fall when this first started. And then I just got sicker and so alcohol was an answer of course.
My ex is on the ready to get me to the small town hospital where I'd be more comfortable. I am just really uncomfortable with telling him everything.
I am thinking of going to detox but I know I won't follow through with that.
Meh