17 days, not flinching yet
Steady is the course for the moment. I am certain there are rough waters ahead but for the time being I have a straight line through these sober days.
Went to a meeting yesterday morning before the gym before work. Someone who was "qualifying" (I'm all for AA and will continue to go but 1984 terminology like that will always turn me off) said this line, which I think I've heard before, just not in a while:
"When I was in control of drinking I didn't enjoy it and when I enjoyed drinking I wasn't in control."
Or something like that. I prefer "When I was forcing down cheap vodka from plastic bottles into a stomach that had violently vomited earlier that same morning while in a state of baseline panic and anxiety and self-deceit and self-hate I enjoyed my drinking. Truth is I was never in control."
Either way. I'm carrying on. Clear headed, learning, looking people in the eye.
Thank you as ALWAYS SR - this place is remarkable.
Happy sober weekend.
No one is coming to save me.