I think you are exactly where you need to be.
Good for you for standing up for yourself and the boundaries you set. I think what you said here sums it up perfectly...... "I feel I need the space to just be, work on me, reconvene and have calm in my life." You know what you need, you know what is helping you heal. I say stick with it. You had to wait a long time for him to get sober, now he can sit and wait lovingly while you do what you need to do to heal. I tell my kids and family if they are in a hurry for me to do something they want, that Im not able or ready to do on their timeline......just wait longer, with a smile on your face and love in your heart.
Originally Posted by
Givenup2018 
Things have been mild and calm, I am enjoying this state tbh.
I stay in my own room in the house and my RAH likewise. We have started doing things together, are quite cautious with one another, respectful, kind, etc. However, in the last week my RAH has been dropping comments and putting gentle pressure on me to move back into our bedroom.
Tbh I do not want to and have resisted. I feel I need the space to just be, work on me, reconvene and have calm in my life. He fell off the wagon in Jan but is now going to AA and also a life coach. But I have been here before. 2017 wasn't a bad year by any means but he lied about falling off the wagon and that shook me up.
There have been some major life changes with his job of many years and he has left it to move onto something more challenging (in his words).
He says he is concerned I will turn around in 6 months and decide to leave. We have been getting on better but I cannot make any promises, the same way he cannot make me any promises he wont drink again. I had told him my deal breaker was him drinking again, which in retrospect may have been too much as it is probably inevitable he falls off the wagon or is it?
So imo I am still here so he should be content with that for now. He says he feels I am punishing him but I explained I am very hurt and wounded from his past behavior and want the time out for me, and I'm sorry he feels this way but I'm not ready to be fully in the marriage.
What do you think? I am supportive of him and his plans for his future, etc. I treat him kindly, we have good laughs when we do things together, I am just not ready to be his wife.
I told him, I cannot get on the rollercoaster again, ever. I know, however, that I cannot continue this status quo, though I like it.
What have you guys done in such a scenario? Is this just the 'people pleaser' coming out in me, that I would even entertain his comments?