Your wife is not in recovery (yet). She can’t be truthful to herself (AA cheering her “slips” just bc she returns???? No, they should be holding her accountable- BIG difference), so how do you expect her to be truthful to you? Sounds like you haven’t set any boundaries (which are for YOU, not her) so she knows what to expect. And it sounds like lack of honesty is a deal breaker. You need to tell her that if that’s the case.