What a moving post, Mand. Thank you so much for sharing. So scary! We are so glad your son is OK.
I'm a mom too (of older kids), and can totally relate. I'm so grateful to have put my thoughtless behavior behind me and now be available, capable, engaged, present and ready to do what I need to do for my kids, no matter the time of day. I shudder to think of the risks I took (even if it was in the imagined safety of home, not in a bar or on the road.. who knows when you need to handle something unexpected, especially with kids with medical issues like one of mine has), as well as precious moments squandered in just day to day interactions, by not being my best self for them. One of my shameful memories is all the times my kids would say the next day, after, say, confiding in me about something important to them, and me forgetting, "Mom, don't you remember?" Or not being able to do something as simple as go pick them up before they could drive, or resenting not being able to drink because I had to drive to go get them somewhere. I chose wine over true connection with the people I love most. You never get that time back. So thankful now for every sober moment with my kids, though the time is short now before they are all grown and moved away,
So happy for you, Mand, that you are on this better path, for you and your family.