I feel for you in this situation donewithhurting. I know how difficult it was for me when I was in a similar spot with my exah, I felt stuck between a rock and freaking mount everest. . The promises to quit, the lies, hiding, manipulations. No matter what I did or how I responded I was the bad person and he always saw me as an obstacle to his drinking.
Hold fast to your truth ... no matter how many times the A in our lives tell us the fridge is green!
I posted on another part of this forum about something I read recently that made a lot of sense to me: when an A tells us feelings/beliefs are wrong or "You're the only person who thinks like that" they are really using allies (real or imagined ones) to back up their lies and manipulation of us ... to protect their addictions.
I learned in al-anon that other peoples opinions of me are none of my business. Sending you support.
GM