This is an example of why I have always said that I think it would be more merciful, all around, if there was a "law" that the alcoholic lived separate from the loved ones for the first year (at least) of the early recovery period.
I say that a retreat in the mountains of Nepal would be perfect place for the alcoholic.
This way, it would give both the time and space away from each other to work on their respective programs.....
So...maybe Nepal is not available...but, what about a sober house...like Oxford House......
Or....maybe you could go to a retreat.......(a separation period)......