"He had been on 90ml of methadone a day for the last 5 years plus drinking daily and sleeping tablets, benzo's, weed"
Hi, I have been successfully clean on methadone for over 3 years and I am glad to tell you a bit about it.
Methadone is not to be used with Benzos. It is too dangerous, the interaction frequently causes people to stop breathing. Methadone clinics prohibit being prescribed Benzos. With that being said, he was lieing to his methadone clinic and Benzos doctor about being on both. Also, alcohol is not to be used with methadone. Again, people die from stopping breathing. Weed is also not allowed at methadone clinics.
From your description of his medications, he was misusing them and lieing to all doctors. He was not clean due to his misuse.
Weaning off of methadone can cause irritability and flu like symptoms. But, in no way is the way he spoke to you a symptom of withdrawal. It is however a symptom of emotional and verbal abuse. It really gets under my skin (as an addict, 10 years active addiction) when addicts use withdrawals or addiction as an excuse to abuse others. In active addiction, yes I lied to hide my addiction and got irritable but I did not abuse people. Because I am not an abuser.
Please do not go back to this man. Do not allow addiction to be an excuse to endure the terrible ways he treats you. You are beautiful inside and out no matter what anyone says. Even when words like this come from someone you love, you are still beautiful your worth does not diminish.
It is going to be hard to hear but he was active in addiction your whole relationship. A clean person on methadone doesn't misuse their dose, take meds that interact with it, drink, or hang out with people that drink or do drugs.
There is someone out there who will appreciate you. Especially since you are so patient and are willing to stick by someone's side when you believe they are suffering and need you. But this man does not need you and does not deserve you.
You will always be worthy of love and worthy of respect.