Originally Posted by
wayforward 
Yeah, being alone used to be a big trigger for me to drink for some reason. In fact, my last relapse occurred after my ex girlfriend dropped me off at the airport. There was a delay and I just went straight to the bar like a zombie, then drank more on the plane. This snowballed into a week or two's worth of drinking. Essentially going back to my old ways.
There was something about just "getting away with it" that I think I sort of became adjacently addicted to. That's an aspect of my addiction that I'd like to deconstruct and figure out as I gain more sober time.
Nowadays I try to just fill up the time if I'm alone. There's plenty to learn and plenty of resources to learn from.
Couldn't agree more about the "getting away with it" addiction. I also am addicted to that. Something that was created over years and years of hiding and lying - there because a perverse pride I found in getting away with it.
Of course we both know we never really got away with anything. I've paid the price in cash and in taxes on my soul, and my career and my body.
Either way, I'm also looking at that juvenile pleasure I've taken in thinking I've gotten away with it as well, as I take stock these days. It's something worth examining.