Dude, please don’t kick yourself. You’re doing what you can, when you can. I grew up a fixer and Uber empathetic, like if pathological empathy was a thing that’s what I had. I had to recover from booze to get over that too.
What I’m saying, possibly poorly, is that your son has you. He has a parent who will talk to him about anything, when he needs to or is ready. He has a parent who won’t make him feel like his feelings are off the mark, won’t tell him that he has to keep everything secret, will get him help if needed.
That parent is you. And THAT will make the difference.