Trying again
Closed down the bar and had people over partying til 3 on a work night again
Had to call in to work again
Kept upstairs neighbor up all night, now he is not at work either. Horrible guilt. Having to apologize to him and feel embarrassed at blasting music and having a 3am cooking session
I won’t miss telling myself I will not drink, only to let myself down repeatedly
Putting on a face with my parents in person and on the phone that I am ok
Collecting bags and bags of beer cans to return to liquor store due to being so ashamed that the neighbors know how much I drink either by seeing the cans...or worse, the whole street hearing the local can collector raiding my recycling bin at 7am
Meaningless nights at the bar
The terror right before checking that my car is outside in the morning
Wondering what that pain is, why can’t I feel my arms and legs. Is that from drinking? Am I going to die?
Seeing the other regulars at the bar and having that somehow normalize the behavior
Eating dinner at 11pm or later because “why would I want to eat and kill the buzz when there’s still beer and wine left to drink?”
Justifying buying the bottle of wine because “we need it for the recipe...we won’t drink all of it”..Oh yes we will. Every. Single. Time.
I will not miss keeping this horrible secret
Not wanting anyone to see my face. Not wanting me to see my face
Feeling like I am stuck in a never ending loop
Thank you