This journey I have been on with my husband has led me in a lot of directions and I believe there are a lot of success stories - however - I think the majority of people want to go back to normal life and they just dont talk about it a lot. There is still a lot of shame associated with substance abuse issues, even if a person overcomes the problem.
I would say members of AA are the exception as they seem to reach out more and share their stories of being "in recovery". But this absolutely doesnt mean success is only found by using this technique.
I do like reading from Newcomers and other sections on this site. Mostly its people working on quitting and rebuilding their lives. A lot of very powerful shares and stories. It been overall very helpful and I think has given me added compassion for what my husband has gone through. Its also shown me a lot of people are really concerned about their spouses, kids, careers. The desire for recovery comes from within but its influenced by so many factors. I love reading about the goals and dreams that are part of the mix.
My husband is doing really well, but its been less than 2 years. He was in horrible shape with the dual issue of drugs and alcohol. Therapy is what helped him stop, and work on a lot of underlying emotional issues that he admittedly really needed to deal with in order to heal.
Rebuilding trust for us has been a priority. It happens slowly and first thing that had to happen was some calm from the storm where emotions could settle. Making time to talk and reconnect, share thoughts and feelings, family therapy was SO helpful. Not expecting perfection from my husband but seeing a progression of his just feeling better, being more part of things, the priority he placed on things, seeing him focus on healthy things. Being able to listen to my feelings and acknowledge them. My knowing he understood and took responsibility for things that happened. But I also had to remember its really hard to move forward if I live in the past. What happened cant be changed and living in it wouldnt really let me live.
I get scared too about a relapse. But I also think I have a good understanding thanks to therapy that a relapse doesnt mean anything specific. It doesnt mean the wheels will all fall off, everything gained will be lost. It happens and its why the medical profession calls addiction a relapsing condition. BUT I think the key is to have pillars of support for both of us. Doctors, therapists, friends, family, support groups if one chooses. Our therapist suggested we talk about it, even make a written plan as a family. I think it shouldnt be taboo to talk about the possibility of a relapse. It shouldnt be synonymous with failure, shame. Those are the kind of things that make people want to hide it and not seek help. Even family members. I was ashamed to tell my family what was going on initially and a lot of it was due to stigma.
Maybe TMI but you brought up a lot of things that I really relate to.