As a recovering A and as an Al-anoner with my husband being my qualifier, I find it very helpful to read both sides of the situation.
When I was drinking daily I was horrible! No two ways about it. Horrible. In recovery I have changed over the years and now am a kind, compassionate, very gentle person.
I was grateful I drank because it made me look at my life and change things.
As I changed, my husbands reaction to me changed. A lot of his A behaviours have slowly gone as I learnt not to react to them.
I learnt that to be compassionate to us both, I could walk away. Stop playing my role in the "transaction" or "dance".
So as an unexpected bonus of my recovery work, our life became peaceful.
By me putting down the rope and minding my own business and working MY program. Letting go of my husband. Sticking to my personal boundaries.
I was very co-dependent so this was exactly the lesson I needed to learn.
So thank you for all the posts on here. Is enormously helpful to me. We are all on this journey together.