Wasnt ready
I've been in and out of AA for 20 years now, and finally feel im ready to stop. I found myself desperate enough to drink a concocution of listerine and hand sanatizer.
I dont have much memory of what i did but do know that i had a large hunting knife with me to protect myself from what ever might attack me as I was running across the pasture. I would hate to think what might have happened if the sheriff had driven by.
The next day after i had sobered up i felt i was in such a dark place. Still do to an extent but not as bad. I believe if this happens again i wont come out alive. I feel lime im in a deep hole with a solid rock bottom, just waiting for the dirt to fall in on me. I dont have much support from my family, so i hope i can make this a new family that can understand and help.