LB,
Not to be difficult, but did you ever think that he might do well in a group home or with other peers? I had a friend that took care of a boy with special needs. The parents had him put in a group home with 3 other people. He struggled at the beginning but he is thriving now. He loves the interaction and is doing well. Dont feel that you are punishing him by reaching out. You never know what they can do until you push them to do it. Hugs!!