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Sorry i havent been around as much been feeling very upset over my step dads death 5 years ago he died from suicide i myself feeling suicidal about it wanting to be with him feeling its my fault for his death
not been going to meetings as much and not praying like i should be today i was at an AA meeting its helped me a lot but i should keep going back but my nieces where staying over and my husband dont want me to go places by myself at the moment just incase i hurt myself was at a crisis house on Wednesday staying over until the Thursday didnt make it to an meeting or on the Saturday as we had the girls had to pay money for my nieces to get shoes as there shoes a loads of holes in them and letting water when it rained but at the moment am still not talking to most of my family my mother knows about the girls shoes and the other week a friend gave my niece a pear of shoes and my mother threw them in the bin she is meant to be there carer yet she dont really look after her one of my nieces are too scared to say she is having therapy at school as she has been very depressed and upset if my mum finds out she will go her nut and most likely say she making things up

been trying to meditate but when i do it out the house i get agitated and upset am unsure why am like that my husband told me not to do it if it makes me like that need to talk to someone that knows more about it to see if i shouldn't do it i will be praying tonight as normal

going to bed soon after av had some sleepy tea