Can't let it go
Dear all:
I recently miscarried at 5 weeks, a,man I love so much said he is not ready to have baby, so it's better to have an abortion. I had an appointment but I miscarried before it. The most shocking thing was that man I have been in 2 years back and forth, never asked since last phone call how I'm feeling what happened about my abortion. He is drunk half of the time since I met him, he used to say he is not in love me but only using me for sex, I thought that's not true, but sadly it's true he only contacts me when he is drunk or when he is ready to drink with his friend. He made me believe he wanted a baby but when it happened in reality he just said " we can't have baby, i cannot support or cannot let you come to my parents place since we both don't have steady income. So it's better to have an abortion since then he never asked or called. Only on f2f messaged as if nothing happened " I miss you, why you not cobracting, " I did not call or write him since u had miscarriage. I'm in shock how he is not ready to get life together after 2 years. If he really wanted he could have afforded it. But I guess he just doesn't want live with me. He lives with his parents but it's normal in my Asian culture you can stay at parents until you get married.
I can't let him go, I'm very attached, even I know the fact that he only contacts me when he is drunk or when he is ready to drink. I never drink, so I feel like his caretaker.
Maybe, I'm very addicted to sex to him, all I want is with him beyond the intimacy. When he does not drink he is very aloof doesn't contact me orf meet me. So, I always wish him to be drunk then he will contact me. I'm very addicted to him. It's just sad, now at the moment I'm not same country with him that's why last we talked about the abortion on the phone. I know when I go back my country I will be ready to forgive him and to be with him, it happened last year too, so I cannot let him go.