Originally Posted by
Navyblue 
My mother has been a "functioning" alcoholic my whole life.... But now, like a fool, i am asking myself, should i give her another chance. Should i try to make amends? Is there a way for this to work? Should i just accept that she will come over whenever she wants and not expect it to be 1x a week? I dont have a father anymore and if i cut her out for real i wont have a mother either, but it would be of my own choice.
It sounds as though you understand the situation perfectly. She is not going to change. She is going to show up drunk, be unreliable, fight with and manipulate you, and so on and so forth. That will not change unless she wants it to -- and that's out of your hands.
The thing with "giving [alcoholic] another chance" is that it's the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results. The hardest thing, in Al-Anon or ACA, is that "things I cannot change... things I can... wisdom to know the difference." We cannot change other people -- we can change ourselves. Knowing the difference is hard.
So the choice here is not between (a) having an AM around who has suddenly given up booze and is all sober, happy, joyous, and free, and (b) having no mother around. It's a choice between (a) having a an AM around who is drunk, hostile, and unreliable, and (b) having no mother around. If that happy, sunlit day arrives when she decides to get sober, go to a meeting every day, and be all wonderful, great -- but counting on it, or trying to do things to make it happen, is not a prescription for success. That's a decision she has to make on her own, and over which no one else has any influence. Good luck!
T