My 2p....
It gets done before recovery stuff
Avoidance?
Should I have a boundary that says he should do x amount of time on recovery stuff?
Is that a boundary or a rule?
I also said if he refused treatment and ever chose to just drink himself to death I couldn't stand by and watch.
I think this is the trickiest one. If he knows that he won't get treatment if he drinks, and he is scared of getting psychiatric help, then the easiest way to avoid it is to drink. From the sounds of it, D wouldn't come right out and say he's refusing treatment. And that's where it gets so difficult. I so don't envy your position.
And the rest? It's no wonder that you're angry. And I have no idea what is reasonable and doubt that I would even if I were in your situation.
Blimey, that wasn't very supportive, was it? Hopefully, others will have some more upbeat responses for you. I'm all out of them today, I think.
(((hugs)))