I've been in your shoes, I'm on day 5 today with no drinking, after slip up after slip this past year allot of it based on my sometimes neurotic feelings about men and relationships I've decided i can't be in a relationship or anything that resembles a relationship that will trigger those thoughts. These thoughts will always lead me to drink, always. I can't risk my sobriety or my health.
I heard a quote the other day that resonated with me "You need to get right with God on how wonderful you are before you meet someone who says you're wonderful otherwise you won't believe them" because when I am drinking my self esteem is shot, well actually I have no self esteem regardless which is why I drank in the first place.
I have no chance with anybody that will treat me decent right now because I will never feel worthy with them which in turn causes my anxiety and frantic thoughts about them etc.
The ONLY way I am going to get right with my HP is not to drink. I have to do this for me and me alone. I honestly believe that once I get a handle on my sobriety I may actually like what I see in the mirror, I have been sober in the past and I do recall how much better I felt about myself and how much I lived in my truth. The key is I need to have patience, something I need to learn more of. It makes me very impatient though lol.
I am writing this to help myself more than anything, I hope it helps you too.