Ricky583

First of all I want to say hello to everyone. I have been coming on here for quite a while and have been reading a lot of the posts. I have seen so many that mirror my situation at home. It amazes me that there are so many of us out there that are going about our daily lives and enduring what life throws at us and still keeping our sanity. Each day seems to bring about some kind of new problem or challenge that has to be dealt with. I have to admit that at times I do not handle the situations in the best way and cause myself more grief. But at least I do realize that I handled some of them wrong. But do I learn from the bad ones well I have to admit that I do not most of the time.

I guess I should tell a little about my situation. I have been with my AP for almost 10 years, quite a while for a relationship to last in my culture (best word I could think of) When I entered into this relationship I knew that the AP was a drinker but did not realize the extent till well into the second year. My AP and I have had only very short times when it was just the 2 of us without that 3rd person, you know the one that they become when they go on a drinking spree. We can be very good together during those few moments in time when its just us. When it is the 3 of us though it is a different story. I come from a long line of drinkers my mother and father were both alcoholics as was my aunt and uncle. I am lucky that I was spared the family curse as my grandmother called it. They say that it skips a generation so I guess it did or God just stepped in and said enough. I have a son that so far has no problems at all, I thank God for that...I have seen so many things in my childhood that are being repeated here in my present. It is the same old stories but instead of my parents it is now me and the AP. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't seek out an AP so that I could try and change what I could not with my parents, you know persuade them to just stop and be normal. I have been the controlling one in this relationship for most of the time that I have been in it. I am tired of being in that position because it is a losing battle. I have always been very independent and strong willed but I do need to learn that I can only take care of myself. Which for the most part of my life I have. I left home when I was 13 and have been on my own since.

I just wanted to take this first step and post a little bit which has turned into alot, sorry about that. Hope that what I have said doesnt sound like a lot of babbling. I have never been very good at getting stuff out and into words even with friends of mine. It feels kinda good to share a little bit here.
Thanks for listening. And to those of you whose posts that I have read you are in my prayers.

Thanks
Rick