Sound like me
I could have written your story word for word it sounds so much like me. I've been going to AA a lot over the last couple weeks and it helps to hear the stories and to know we're not alone in this.
I have a difficult time dealing with the sense of loneliness and feeling alone. I try to keep busy listening to music and playing guitar. It helps me a lot to release emotions that way. Depending on where you are, I'd find an AA meeting and keep going until you're looking forward to going. That seems to be working for me so far.
I wish you well.