Navyblue

My mother has been a "functioning" alcoholic my whole life. Functioning only in the sense that she always had a job as a nurse. My father and her were middle school sweethearts and would party and drink and use pills on her days off. She worked 12 hour shifts so that meant 3-4 days a week were for drinking. My father was not really an alcoholic, more of an enabler. He died 12 years ago and when that happened, my sister and I would drink with my mom which created a "better" relationship with her.

Growing up I couldnt stand her. For a couple years they were separated when i was 7-9. They separated because the partied too much when they moved back to the home town. During that time there were so many nights that she would take me and my little sis to the bar where she would ignore us and hang out with creeps. So many nights during that time and after I would pick her up off the toilet passed out, tell her to quit drinking, turn down the music, etc. I would take care of my sister, try to hide her from Moms distructive ways. My dad would take care of us, take is to parks, bakeries, book stores when she was hungover. He was wonderful, loving, thoughtful person, but also would enable her. Saying take it or leave it.

Once Dad died we would drink with her and we would spend time with her often. After 10 years when i was 34, i decided to sober up, quit smoking, lose weight. I wanted to get preg, which was impossible at the time. I started tryig to have functional family time where we would meet up in sundays for lunch or dinner no drinking. At this time she met a man who became her drinking buddy and boyfriend. I am supportive of love, but he is a loser. Drinks, sells drugs, doesnt keep a job. She thinks hes cool bc hes 12 years younger than him and they do things together like biking and canoeing from time to time.

She soon quit coming over sundays. Got really sick and i would spend all my pregnancy begging for quality time, but it was spent taking her to the hospital. She would party with him til 4am and then i would be takig her to the hospital at noon. 2 weeks before my child was due she had neck surgery. He was no where to be found. The night before surgery she was yelling at me and said she didnt love me because i wanted tonstay at her house that night to be closer to hospital and she wanted her boyfriend to be able to stay there.
When my child was born at 6 pm my sis was going to pick her up and bring her to hospt. It was a mile away from her apt. she lied saying she didnt feel good, but instead she stayed at home bc her boyfriend was making her dinner.

She lost her job, her apt, had no money. I spent my maternity leave getting her ss, medicaid, and moved her into my house where she took the nursey. I had 1 condition, no drinking or smoking. She lived there a month and once she got her money she went back to parting with him. I kicked her out, but of course found her an apt and moved her stuff in.

I asked her again, pleasecome over sundays, spend time with me and baby. She would come over a couple hours a month tops. Some months she would never show up. Because of her condition, if she drinks and smokes it makes it worse, but she wont stop.

I spent 2 years begging my mom to spend time with me which would turn into vicous fights. I am against her. I dont love her. I dont want to spend time with her. I dont know how, but everytime i would say "why didnt you come over, i need you. I miss you this hurts me" she would say i am hurting her. It was a very manipulative midgame.

Finally on xmas, a a month before baby's 1st bday I asked her to spend xmas with us. She said she was visiting her sister for xmas. Since she hasnt spent time with her in a decade, i thought that maybe it would be benificial. She cane over a couple days before xmas drunk at 4pm. Baby goes to bed at 7. She said she was hungover. On xmas we find out she was with her boyfriend and his parents. And she lied again.

I told her i spent the first year of my childs life mainly taking care of her and fighting with her. I am not beinging in the lies and being ditched anymore. I told her she needs to appologize and say she wont lie to me anymore. She said she will never appologize and denied lying. And blamed me for her lying. And said i lied and a bunchnof awful things as well.

So i blocked her. I dont want to bring her drama alcoholism into the new year. I dont want her drinking around my child. I told her not to come to baby birthday.

But now, like a fool, i am asking myself, should i give her another chance. Should i try to make amends? Is there a way for this to work? Should i just accept that she will come over whenever she wants and not expect it to be 1x a week? I dont have a father anymore and if i cut her out for real i wont have a mother either, but it would be of my own choice.