still dont feel right , my heart is hurting emotionally all the past things am finding hard trying not to believe that its my fault
got a group to go to tonight really just want to stay at home and hide husband says i need to try and go out at a group at the moment
bought some bubble bath and soap also a teddy out of the anime shop psyduck from pokemon think am going to start by more of them get
watching more anime kinda cheers me up got a meeting on thursday
one of the problems am having is that am not talking to my sister at the moment because of family disgreement my sister protected me until i was 10 she was 13 she fighted with my mum tried to hit her with a mental poll at the time we where talking to my biogical father who at the time was around she was forced to stay for a few months when she was gone i was abused she wasnt there and i felt abandoned by everyone grew up with abandonment issues keep having bad thoughts of late that something is going to happen to my husband am scared all the time even when we are together am scared that something or i am going to hurt him its been whats been wrong with me for a little while i start music therapy next week and will be doing it for 6 months but i need to keep going even when things are hard i need to keep going
something i feel i cant face but i have to