My wife got back from her meditation retreat. We ended up spending most of the day together, because our boys ended up doing other activities. We discussed what the next few months would look like. I told her that although I still very much cared for her I would be putting my head down and focusing on healing. I would not engage in any romantic propositioning, with her or anyone else.
She responded that although she still thinks about the possibility of a relationship outside of us, she currently feels drawn to investigate a life of celibacy and mystical devotion. I let her know that I completely respect that path, and suggested that provided we both remain single for the next 8 months, we were free to explore a friendship without worrying about relationship complications. She agreed, so it appears as if that is the direction we are headed (she didn't specifically agree to 8 months - just suggested at this point that she thought she would be celibate for at least that longer and perhaps forever).
I brought up AlAnon, and suggested it might be the perfect group and forum to explore both her hurt around our marriage and her workaholism. She considered this, but then responded that she would rather explore those issues through her meditation work. I did not attempt to argue here, I responded with support and will wait and make supportive suggestions as she progresses. She indicated she might be open to attending a couple of open speaker groups down the road.
So, all in all, a positive day and a positive sign that the next 8 months of healing might be done with my wife remaining a close friend, and the opportunities that come along with that to support each other.
Whether we reconcile down the road is a great uncertainty, but at this point I will continue to focus on my healing, and the space I am entering in to for the next 8 months to do so, and set all thoughts of my marriage aside as much as I can.
I am prepared to enter in to this space of discomfort and uncertainty, knowing that sitting with them without avoiding them will make me a much stronger person.
Also, FYI I am giving up all nicotine habits, video games, and Netflix binging for the next 8 months. If I am going to do this, I need to do so without finding another way to avoid dealing with discomfort, which the above would certainly offer.
Thanks all,
M180