Grant,
Like Dee said. 911 if you are desperate. They will get you helped and stablilzed.
If I can't stay sober and sane using my current methods, I plan to adjust.
My level of comfort has continued to sin wave for the last 3 or so years. There are still ups and downs, but the overall trend has been upward.
Staying booze and drug free during my recovery was often painful. I suffer. But, the suffering ebs quickly.
I didn't even find SR until I was 80 days clean. I thought I was going crazy. It was kindling and PAWS.
I absolutely understand that everyone is different. The issues we all feel are as variable as the cosmos.
I pray that you take care and seek out what you need to be well.
Thanks.