I just wanted to lend my support.
Trying to figure out why he is doing what he is doing will only drive you crazy. I know it's hard but try not waste your energy on trying to understanding the inexplicable. I tried to make sense of what my XAH did and said, both when we were still together and after we broke up, and it only caused me more heartache and anxiety. I wish there were answers that made sense to us grieving spouses of an addicts but there just aren't... at least not the kind we want. Alcoholics are selfish beyond measure.
It sounds like you have made good headway in looking after YOU. Good! Keep it up, focus on your own best interests and that of your children, things will start to get better.
hugs