Wamama,
Yes, my AH is about 2 months sober... and I am a mess. It is a bit better now. Distance from him I believe is what helped me a bit which is hard as we are in the same house. Sounds to me like you are grieving...grieving the could have, should have, would have’s... and it’s OKAY. You are okay. Let yourself cry, I agree with dandylion (who Yes, is an amazing being).
When my AH was still drinking I went on auto pilot, I didn’t cry I got through, and when he decided to get sober my emotions spilled-all the feelings I wouldn’t let myself acknowledge for so long came to the surface and refused to be denied any longer. It gets better, I promise. And I also agree that you sound like you are done and you are grieving the relationship and who wouldn’t?
Let yourself grieve and know that you are ok and you are enough. Doesn’t matter what he thinks or is doing...this is about you. There is no normal here, there is just your normal. Hugs to you!