Early Recovery & Midlife Crisis
More crying and the roller coaster of depression, anger and renewed strength have been coming and going since my posts earlier this week. I still need and will continue to need support to get me through this, so thank you ahead of time.
Background, my RAH of 18 yrs had an affair in late 2017. During that time he cried on my shoulder (first time I’ve ever seen him cry) begging for forgiveness and vowing to finally address his years long functioning alcoholism. I felt like it was my job to hold my family together so I didn’t kick him out and the very next day he started AA.
Fast forward. After three weeks of what I would call a honeymoon phase between us, he suddenly decides that he cannot let go of his resentment towards me about some money mistakes I’ve made (nothing insurmountable) and that when we fight it compromises his sobriety. His sobriety is #1 and he needs to move out. He says he’s too attracted to me and cannot be around me for the sake of his sobriety.
So he literally has a moving company come a week later and takes everything out of our second story home and moves into his bachelor pad. Won’t talk to me unless it’s about money or our kids. Won’t even tell me the lease term he signed. He literally cut me out, overnight.
The grief has been indescribable. I finally got him to admit to me (over text!) that he doesn’t want to reconcile anymore, that at less than 60 days sober, he has decided he needs to start the next chapter in his life. My 18 yr marriage is over and I found out via text! And by the way, “he’s been spending a lot of time with a woman he met in AA, they haven’t slept together (yet. Another lie I’m sure) but there’s definately an attraction.”
Just wow. So, here I am again, home with our two kids while he’s out living his second adolescence. I’m good friends with his sponsors wife and she’s disgusted with his behavior and learned from her husband that my RAH who says he wants “peace and serenity” and is following the program, has already been warned to stop his new relationship in their AA group and that he said he would, another lie. I have no idea who this new girlfriend is but I’m guessing she’s younger than him and has the selfish gene in plenty supply as well.
So besides complaining on here, I would like to know if anyone has any input as to why he’s completely lost his mind? Did I mention he also stopped taking his anti depressants cold turkey and has intermittently raged at me in between declarations of making daily amends to people and God blessing me via text messages. Lost. His. Mind.
Never mind me. This has been very, very hard on my 11 and 9 yr olds. Their dad has suddenly turned into Disney dad. Only spends a few hours a weekend with them and when he calls every night he’s like “hey guys! I’m so happy now, how was your day?” He still hasn’t spoken to them about our marital situation. Even takes them to his new apartment one evening and rents “Daddy’s Home”. They don’t feel comfortable to even ask him what’s going on.
So I’m thinking that he’s obviously having a mid life crisis combined with new sobriety and possibly sex addiction. Is his crazy ex alcoholic brain now trading one addiction for another? Will he ever be back to normal? He lacks empathy or the gravity of his behavior. It’s all so tragic. I dont Want to be with a man who’s moral compass is so broken but I still love the man he used to be. Heartbroken.