I think that the book that Ladyscribbler suggests is very enlightening as to understanding the dynamics of abuse. It comes hightly recomended by those who work in this field.
As Ladyscribbler points out--isolation is the first tool of the abuser or controlling person.
I, also, agree that the DV direction would be the best support, for starters. They can also recommend the appropriate therapists who are experienced with this kind of situation and/or offer support groups and counseling within their organization....
***I am amazed that he "allows" for the children to have therapy, considering how restrictive he is to you, hearthealth. I admit that I don't remember the exact circumstances that precipitated their going to therapy...though, I do remember, well, how punitive he has been toward them.....