FS, I can completely understand this. There are many things in life I am still working at forgiveness with.
As part of my therapy journey, I did part of it with my minister. I never talked about how guilty I felt about things in my life that go way, way back, but he saw through it. He asked me if I really believe when I go to communion, and if I believe God forgives sins. I told him I do. He then told me that surely if God forgives everyone else, he forgives me as well, and that I deserve to forgive myself. Then he gave me communion, right there in his office, just us two.
It really did open my eyes and reinforce that I have to practice what I preach myself. Why is it if someone is truly sorry, I can forgive them in a heart beat. However, forgiving self is so much harder?
Anyways, I find that on my journey, it has gotten easier over time.
Sending you many big hugs friend!