Welcome to SR, Jane!
The thing with me drinking--it was like playing Russian Roulette.
I might be fine the next time, or I could end up doing something somewhat embarrassing like a drunken text or Facebook post. Or I could end up in a blackout doing something horrifying that I would regret for the rest of my life. I did get violent more than once.
I just never knew what would happen and that was just one of the things that motivated me to stop.
Life can be really good sober and the peace of mind is priceless.