FireSprite

I definitely agree with your post, but in this particular situation I DO owe myself an apology. That much was very, very clear to me after I examined it fully. I'm an Olympian level Self-Lover but this is about honoring the emotions as real instead of stuffing them, about managing things happening In The Right Now/recent events - not dredging up every single self-torturous memory.

BUT, I can see how doing so IS an act of self-love because in the past I put my self-forgiveness on the back burner in order to deal with the events in front of me.... this time I'm taking that "time-out" before it all simmers into resentment. Putting my feelings first.

Maybe that's exactly why it all bubbled up to the surface so fiercely.

All of these suggestions were great you guys, but this:

really struck a nerve for me because it brought tears to the surface before I ever finished reading it on my screen. I've followed the principals of the 4 Agreements for more years than I can remember.

If you've read my recent threads you know I've sort of found myself at a crossroads in my marriage & have been taking a lot of time & space to sift & sort & observe. Part of that for me this time has included a lot of outside work on our property, in ways I generally just haven't made priority before. A lot of hands-in-the-earth grounding. I've been seeing my spirit animals return to the land since starting this process (which, to be fair, has included all 3 of us in rotation & at times together, working at clearing, pruning, removing, etc.) - most notably, the Pileated Woodpecker, drumming out concerts in the back yard.

I/we started therapy & I had my first individual session on Monday after a FULL day of physically exhausting myself outside on Sunday. It added another layer of emotional exhaustion - that odd feeling of relief at what's been heard but the additional frustration of whatever comes bubbling up after/as a result of the session. I was certainly feeling overwhelmed & "off" by the time I hit the sack that night.

By the morning it had settled into a sudden, acute issue in my sinuses - the headache, post nasal drip, that gross infection feeling. I thought - how odd, I don't HAVE sinus issues, ever. Maybe 3x in my entire 40+ yrs? When I cross-check it on my emotional pain chart, I find that it relates to repressed anger/unshed tears. That revelation alone strikes a chord in my gut which led me to examine it more fully & ascertain that this is All About Me. I am mad at me & my body is relaying the message that I'm not receiving in any other way.

I did all the right things physically - got out my neti pot, upped my supplements, made sure to double up on black seed oil, Vit C & planned for an early bedtime.

Then I did the mirror work for my emotional side,
(sidenote: why is this SO HARD??!!! )
cried it out a bit then gave myself some time to chill with a comedy, meditated & turned in. I had a hard time getting comfy - thought I'd end up tossing turning & half-drowning in my own sinuses all night. I had that headache I only get from intense arguments or grieving.

I slept through most of the night & woke feeling SO much better. Unstuffed. Less Irritation. Less pressure.

I'm going to repeat the process today & keep purging. Thanks so much for ALL the suggestions, I'm sure I'll come back around to this in a few days if/when I'm ready to switch up tools.