I know that I've posted this on a different thread but perhaps it will help you. This prayer has helped me a lot, not to completely forgive my STBXAH, but open myself up to the possibility of forgiveness. Perhaps you could try it for yourself too....read it and insert yourself and try to be honest about why exactly you can't forgive yourself. Sometimes just acknowledging exactly what you can't forgive helps you find a place to start the process?
Below is the prayer:
The vision of God's spirit is the vision of innocence. It is not our job to forgive whom God has not condemned, but rather to remember that God condemns no one. Spirit heals through forgiveness and asks that we do likewise. Attack is an easier response than forgiveness, and that is why we are so tempted to give into it. Throughout our lives, we have seen more anger than examples of true forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean we suppress our anger; forgiveness means that we have asked for a miracle; the ability to see through the mistakes that someone has made to the truth that lies in all of our hearts. None of this "I'm too spiritual to be angry," for who among us is? Rather, we pray, "I am angry, dear God. But I am willing not to be. I am willing to see this situation another way." Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one who inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness. Attack thoughts toward others are attacks on ourselves. The first step in forgiveness is the willingness to forgive. If you can state, despite your resistance, your willingness to see the spiritual innocence, the light in the soul of the one who has harmed you, you have begun the journey to a deep and unshakable peace.
Dear GOD: There is someone whom I very much dislike. It is ................ My anger or unforgiveness is because.......................... I know that my ability to forgive this person is where my freedom lies, for my hatred and judgement are attacks upon myself. This hatred keeps me tied, dear Lord, to the guilt within my mind, and I am willing to be free. Dear God, please help me. I surrender to You my thoughts of this person's guilt. I allow myself to fully feel my pain, my sense of violation. My fear that this person will hurt me again. I take these feelings and place them in Your hands. May Your love be like a bonfire in which my feelings can transform. I know my attack thoughts are hurting me, And yet I feel I cannot let them go. And so I say to You, Dear Lord, I am willing to see this person's innocence. I am willing to see the pain in him that would make him do these things. I am willing to have my perceptions healed that I might rise above, that I might hurt no longer, that I might be released from this wheel of suffering. For I know that if I could drop this, i would be set free. I cannot do this for myself, Dear Lord. In spite of my pain, in spite of my resistance, I pray for this person. I ask that this person be healed and given new life, As I ask for surcease from my own pain. For truly we are reborn or we die together. I know this. I am willing to have a miracle. I am willing to forgive. I need Your strength to do so. Thank You, Lord, for making me bigger, for bringing me closer to the divine power in my own heart. I surrender this person to You. I surrender my pain to You. Heal him. Heal me. Thank You. Amen.